BIG BANG BAE BAE REVIEW

 

Now if "Loser" was to Made like "Blue" was to Alive, "Bae Bae" is like "Bad Boy". Again, we're not saying the songs are the same, it's the vibe we get. "Loser" is great, a real earworm, but "Bae Bae" is straight jamming. G-Dragon & T.O.P's rap parts just do it, & the hook just brings it all around.

Now onto the MV...

Performing Fantastic Baby over & over again tends to make you seek God.

"Bae Bae" starts with G-Dragon, with an insanely large backpack & poncho on, roaming around what looks like a semi-religious art gallery. He goes around feeling up sculptures, but who hasn't done that when in love?

 Love'll do that to a person.

Cut to getting lost in a beautiful girl's eyes, when suddenly...

The Dong has arrived.

You can't just blast the magnificent Dong riding a majestic steed, wind in his hair, without warning. Are you trying to kill people?! Guns N' Roses Taeyang is a great look. Might we add that the beautiful girl is riding bareback with Taeyang...

Symbolism...

While Taeyang is rounding the bases on horseback, we meet up with Big Bang's resident Mad Hatter, T.O.P. We all know what flowers represent in art, and T.O.P is surrounded by them. He pulls out his trusty syringe & sprays his white liquid amongst the flowers...

Heavy symbolism...

and at a lady, who happens to go to the same haircolorist as GD. The two writhe in pleasure, especially T.O.P.

Once you pop, you just can't stop.

And then a baby is made...

Mazel tov!!!

As T.O.P enters MV fatherhood, we meet Daesung stuck on a tiny island. Being in love is a lot like being on a tiny island. This is the point where we bow to the majesty that is Daesung's hair...

Bangs + Mullet Hybrid aka Bullet = Party In The Front & In The Back, Double Party

And as old sailor stories have taught us, if you rock a head of fabulous hair like that, you'll attract mermaids sooner than later. In Daesung's case, a very beautiful mermaid with legs, a mer-woman, has appeared from the depths of Poseidon's domain just to run her fingers through that mane.

 

We move onto Seungri, who is clearly having a moment with a female of the ghost variety. Seungri's taste in women transcends age, race, creed, color, and in this case...life & death.

That ghost has awfully thick hands...

At this point, all five members orgasm their way up to the moon. In the West, we like to think the moon is made of cheese. Well, the Korean moon is made of rice cakes & is inhabited by beautiful white women wearing hanboks.

A veritable paradise...

There's 5 Big Bang members, 5 beautiful ladies, on the moon alone, hopped up on rice cakes...what is there to do?

T.O.P, the hyung that knows best.

The party turns into a hanbok flipping fest, though some are doing it better than others...

GD...bro...you're doing it wrong!

The MV ends with a final serious look at the Leaders of K-Pop.

Royalty

We give this song/MV:

79 T.O.P O-Faces out of 32 Bingu Twirls